A Modest Peanut Proposal

It is a melancholy object to those, who can walk through the great aisles of a grocery store, or travel to a renowned bakery, when they see people of inferior genes turn away because of a sign or wrapper that blatantly states, "CONTAINS PEANUTS." These people that lack the superior genes and immune system, cannot enjoy the simple joys in life such as a peanut butter sandwich, candy, granola bars, cereal, and so many more delicious items that are being sold in grocery stores and convenience stores across the country.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that all people with peanut allergies have suffered at least once in their lives, causing troubles to themselves and those around them that are thrown into a panic as they try to find an overpriced Epi-Pen; and therefore whoever could find a cure for these poor poor people would be a hero to the public.

I have thought about this for many years. Snack time in elementary school always exposed those with the feeble immune systems. Because of them, the majority was not permitted to eat their peanut butter sandwiches or cookies. In fact, peanut free rooms had to be instated, and in certain cases, peanut free schools. This is injustice. But I understand that it is not the bearer of the burden's fault; they can't help what they have been cursed with in this cruel world. But we cannot just stay idle and let these people suffer, we must take action and push for research on this subject and use their deformity to find a cure. Scientists and researchers must keep these people of inferior immune system kept in seclusion from the rest of society for the betterment of others.

There are many great advantages in my plan. First, manufacturers wouldn't have to waste money printing the warnings on peanuts because there would be no point in printing it. They could also see an influx of customers because there would be no inferior family member keeping the rest from enjoying peanuts. With all of the people with peanut allergies away being researched, more jobs would potentially be opened up for people without a weak immune system who place no restrictions in the work place. And with all of the people suffering from the wretched peanut allergies being held in captivity, there would be no chance of their subordinate genes entering society again.

I cannot see how anyone would oppose this. We would be finding a cure and solving a problem that has plagued the world for decades, and with a cure we would be able to take down the corrupt EpiPen that makes this measure needed. It's not like the government can just make them more accessible, or allow foreign EpiPens companies to import, or take measure against corrupt medical businesses, or regulate the monopoly that costs people their health. If we as a society simply accept my proposal, we would find a solution more quickly than the government ever would and make our population a stronger and purer one.